On her way to Emily’s party, Julia will pull out into traffic, while lighting a cigarette, taking a sip of her latte, texting Amanda, and putting in her contact lens… It’s one of those ‘go-big-or-go-home’ scenarios. (But note that the conjunction ‘as’ was still not used). Julia might be one of those characters who specialize in multi-tasking, and everything time we see her she’s does three things simultaneously, and in a previous scene we’ve seen her brushing her teeth, while she puts on her socks and texts Amanda that she’s going to late to Emily’s party… Julia said, “Good-bye,” closed the door and walked down the stairs.Īs always there’s room for exceptions. Now, Julia might have done these three things simultaneously, but it’s more likely that she did them 1.2.3. Saying, “Good-bye,” Julia closed the door as she walked down the stairs. If you connect two actions with ‘as’ you imply that they happened at the same time.įor example, a student attempting to make their character active might write something like: Tom put down his book and got out of bed…

Tom got out of bed and put down his book… Tom put down his book as he got out of bed…ĭid the two events really happen at the same time? Maybe they did, and you are okay, but what if they didn’t? It’s more direct, more compact, more concise. Tom heard a saxophone playing from a window…A saxophone played from a window… Tom saw Jane walking along the street…Becomes: Jane walked along the street…

Tom felt a sinking feeling in his stomach…Becomes: Tom’s stomach sank… IN the following examples Tom is the main character: He felt… He saw… He heard… He sensed… then you are using filters. If you say any of the following about your viewpoint character: Instead combine the adverb with the verb it modifies.Ĭould become: She sprinted/ dashed/ trotted…Ĭould become: He gorged/ gobbled/ guzzledĤ: Began to…Started to… Continued to… Sometimes you need them. Walking, reading, sitting, et al.ģ: Adverbs: Try to avoid adverbs. Progressive present: He is reading… Simple present: He reads…Ģb: Just avoid the participle (…ing verbs) if you can. Progressive past: He was reading… Simple past: He read… Read through carefully, and make sure every verb is correct.Ģ: Tenses again: Are you using progressive tenses when you don’t need to?

Micro-edit your partner’s pages, working through the following checklist:ġ: Tenses, tenses, tenses: Make sure your partner is using a consistent narrative tense.Choose a partner––a writer not necessarily working in the same genre or style as you.It obliges a clear mind and the clear expression of your editorial ideas. The practice of partner editing improves self-editing because it trains you to see textual details and interpret their effect on a piece of writing. This exercise is taken from the Artful Edit by Susan Bell.

The artful edit by susan bell